Bring Head to Desk...

and Bang Repeatedly.

I need a new job, a new body, and a new attitude.

Worked my butt of last week *literally* and only lost .6 of a pound. I know - oh that's great, better than gaining. But truly - considering it only took me six months to lose fifty pounds and has now taken me three months to lose five pounds, it's kind of unfair.

But c'est la vie. We shall persevere.

I am also hunting for new employment. One that's closer to home (within bus-riding distance) and that has benefits. Not to say this job doesn't have benefits - cute clients and the ability to blog-while-allegedly-working, but I mean benefits like health insurance and a 401k.

I would also like a job where contact with people can be limited. Especially Brazilian people who speak to me in Spanugese and get offended when I don't understand anything but "voce" and "hoje" and only then because I took a couple years of Portugese in college. Gah!

* * *

Completely unrelated - I feel like a twat and I can't put my finger on why. I went to the BodyPump class at the gym last night and the instructor is this supercute hair stylist lady. Now, when I go to the gym, I go alone, and I do not go to make friends. So I don't really talk to anyone. At the beginning of class, she was talking about keeping the 'belly in' for back support while lifting and she said, "But it's hard for us pregnant people to keep the belly in!" Now, this is the first I've heard of her being pregnant, and considering that I am now developing a huge case of baby fever, I was thrilled for her. So after class I was walking by her and on a whim that is completely unlike me, I congratulated her.

Only later did I start to think - do pregnant women want to be congratulated? I should have just continued to mind my own business and hid in the corner. At least next Monday is Labor Day so she won't be there, but the irony of it being LABOR day is not lost on me.

Until next time!

Cassidy

Too Much Information

Let me preface this by saying that I love my dogs. Granted, I want to strangle them on a daily basis - but generally, I love them very much. But this morning, I woke up to find that they had stolen the rest of the pizza off of the counter and had a feast last night. But this is not the worst. Earlier this week, I came home to find that they had eaten - scratch that - completely DEVOURED - a puzzle that I had been working on. I kid you not - there were not even remains. These are adult dogs. Adult dogs that are well-fed, housetrained, and loved. Who can understand? Not I.

Consequentially, I have been in a fairly poor mood lately - and thus, my wardrobe has suffered. Today is better than yesterday, but still nothing to blog about. I will, however, blog about my weightloss efforts, or lack thereof. In short - I had Golden Corral for lunch yesterday. Really - who can go to a buffet and eat just one plate? Especially a buffet like Golden Corral. Mmm. Regardless, bad decisions have their consequences, and I have gained two pounds since yesterday. Question - does this happen to normal/skinny people? Do they gain and lose significant amounts of weight in one day? Or is this just a fat person/dieting person thing? Will I suffer with this the rest of my life? (I can answer that one.) I did go to the gym to try to make up for it, so perhaps I would have otherwise gained three pounds. It's the little things, right?

Also weightloss related but perhaps entirely too much information - I am sick and tired of my period. Let me back up some. Last year, when I had health insurance and could go to the doctor and was 55+ pounds heavier, my doctor told me that I probably had PCOS and would not be able to have children unless I lost weight. So I started losing weight in December and in February had my first natural cycle in years (no joke). I was elated - I felt like a woman! I was in tune with nature and with my body! I was cramping and I loved it. But now, after seven consecutive months of this, the thrill has worn off. I'm tired of my skin breaking out for two weeks every month, I'm tired of the cramps and back pain and bloating and weight gain. But of course, now I don't have health insurance and cannot possibly afford birth control pills to make it all go away. One can only be thankful for something like this for so long.

So as not to end on that note, let's change the subject, shall we?

I am an aspiring writer - always have been. No really. Before I could read I would make up my own stories to go with picture books (Peter Pan was one of my favorites). Of course, when I graduated from college with my BA in English Literature, I thought, the whole world is waiting for me. Then I couldn't get a job. ANYWHERE. So I ended up working as a paralegal in a city two towns over from where I actually live. So writing has taken a back seat to actually earning money and surviving. This is terribly upsetting to me. So my new resolution for this week is to write everyday. And not one or two sentences - but to actually make headway on novels that I started years ago, back in my Young Adult Lit classes. Even if I have to make that time during the day when I'm supposed to be otherwise occupied by my job. My job now is to take care of me and my dreams, or they will never become a reality.

Talk about inspiring, yes?

Cassidy

Time to Go Shopping

Top, Banana Republic; Jean capris, Mossimo; flower flats, Xhileration; blue ring, flea market; beads, thrifted.

This is the first summer since I was a child that I have dared to go bare-armed. This is, of course, fully accredited to the fact that I have lost enough weight to put me at my high school weight (yes, I was this big in high school). But I really love this shirt and the detailing at the neck. I also have a new obsession with wrap-around beads like these. Before the day is over, I'll probably have changed the number of wraps more times than I can count.

And these shoes! They're amazingly comfortable and because of the flower print, you can really pair them with anything.

I just want to clear something up, just in case anyone actually reads this blog. I never claimed to be fashionable. I have only a vague idea as far as trends go (I believe ballet flats, bows and ruffles, and nautical were this summer, yes? And lots of tartan coming in the fall?). I own clothes that are years and years old (example - the capris jeans pictured here). I'm really just a creature of comfort trying to step out of my rut of t-shirts and jeans and ponytails (a problem which I have eliminated with my haircut). That said...

I weighed in today and found myself back at the same place I was at two weeks ago. I'm not going to get discouraged. I mean, I lost 50 pounds in six months, right? It only stands to reason that I would hit a roadbump. I just didn't realize the roadbump would mean 2 months to lose five pounds. Argh.

I went to workout right after weighing in. I did two hours at the gym - first a BodyPump class followed immediately by a BodyJam class. And then I got home and weighed myself and I was 1.5 pounds lighter than I had been at WI. Oh, the injustice (even if it is just water weight).

Cassidy

Great Outfit, Crappy Photo

Top, Torrid; Blue cami, Old Navy; Jean Skirt, Old Navy; Flip Flops, Sears; Orange necklace and matching earrings, flea market; turqoise ring, ?.

I really loved my outfit today - I felt glamorous and womanly, which is great since it's this top's inaugural wearing. I tried to take my picture in the morning, but the batteries died and I was already super late. And when I got home, bf was breathing down my neck. And this is what he took. He couldn't even get his lazy butt off the bed to take it.

I think I will stick to mirror photos if it's all the same to him.

As far as eating goes - I took my friend from work to lunch today for her birthday. We went to Toast, just down the street from my office, where we indulged in pita chips and delicious paninis. Then we had some paletas for dessert, which I probably should have avoided altogether. But didn't.

I did, however, go to the gym all by myself and turn down an invitation to future MIL's boyfriend's going away party. He's going to Mexico until next Spring. Which means MIL is going to be all up in our business. *Sigh* That's what happens when you shack up with a momma's boy.

Until tomorrow,

Cassidy

Casual ... Thursday?

T-shirt, Faded Glory; Jeans, Levi Strauss; Shoes, Sperry Topsiders; necklace and matching earrings, flea market; golden bangles, Wal-Mart; headband, Wal-Mart.

Casual Friday came a day early for me this week. The attorney was supposed to be out of the office all day, so I donned this outfit. Of course, she showed up, so I spent a good part of my morning hiding in my office and trying to avoid walking to the printer at all costs. Otherwise it was Mission: Impossible all the way.

As far as the whole WeightWatchers/diet thing goes, another attorney was given a gift basket from Southern Season. It was mostly cheeses and crackers which I have no problem avoiding, but then I spied - the butterfly cookies (as seen on the left). So I scarfed down entirely too many and then had a fabulous burrito from Guajillos for lunch. But, I hope I made up for my indiscretions at the gym, where I did one hour of BodyJam and then 30 minutes of the bike. My work-out partner, also known as my future SIL, couldn't come today due to a sick child, so my motivation level was slightly down, which is why I find myself sitting at home in front of the computer rather than working out.

C'est la vie. Until tomorrow,

Cassidy

It Is Easy Being Green

Top, Banana Republic sale; Pants, NY & CO; faux snakeskin pumps, Payless; green headband, Wal-Mart.

To know why I'm doing this, you have to know where I'm coming from - or more importantly, how far I've come. In December 2007, when I realized that I did in fact want children someday and that in my state I physically wouldn't be able to, I embarked on a weightloss journey. Since then, I have reduced my weight by 55 pounds - and while I am nowhere close to completing my journey yet, it is important for me to remember that I can look good doing it.

This look yesterday was a real turning point for me. I bought these pants two or more years ago and never fit into them. When I say never, I mean, they didn't come up past my thighs. They were my "hope" pants, and now they fit me.

My new source of "hope" comes from the fact that bf has promised me a trip to Disney World once I'm down 30 more pounds. Time to whip it into shape!

Cassidy

P.S. I hate to do this to you, but here is a before picture, taken in May, 2007, so you can truly understand. I think this picture can best be summed up by the gun that appears to be pointing at my head and my face that reads, "Hurry up and put me out of my misery..."